How To Build Rapport With People

What does rapport mean?

According to the dictionary, it's a "harmonious relationship or connection." In other words, you get on with someone, you hit it off. This is A Good Thing in many situations, so how do you go about achieving it?

Often it comes naturally (or not).you just find there are certain people you get on with and others you don't. But are there ways in which you can help the process along a bit?

I think there are some basic things you can do. And these may be particularly useful with Christmas coming up, when you may find yourself having to talk to people you don't know very well or haven't previously got on well with ( your family, for instance).

1. Smile and look friendly.

Seems obvious but we don't always remember. Just looking approachable goes a long way and a smile breaks the ice with new people. Of course, it depends on the situation. If you're trapped in a corner with some creep at the office party, this may not be the way to go. Forget rapport and just keep between him and the door (yes, I did assume the creep would be a man, I'm a man so I know about these things.)

2. Find out the person's name and use it (sparingly).

People like to hear their own name. But don't overdo it, just slip it into the conversation occasionally.

3. Ask the person questions to get him or her talking.

People love to talk about themselves and they like people who give them the opportunity to do so. Asking questions also gives you a chance to find out more about them, which leads on to point 4.

4. Find something you have in common with them.

People tend to like people who are like them. Find out some interest you have in common with the person you're talking to and focus on that. If you can't immediately find a common interest, stick with something they're interested in and carry on with the questioning - find out what it is about that activity that interests them. (Again, this doesn't apply to the creep at the party, you probably know what interests him and you don't want to focus on that).

5. Match their body language (broadly).

By this I mean, if they're sitting down, you sit down. If they're standing up, you stand up. Don't mirror their movements or cross your legs when they cross their legs, that's going too far. It's just that they'll probably feel more comfortable if you're in roughly the same position as they are ( but see previous comments re the creep ).

6. Reflect some of their language back to them.

If you use some of their own words back to them, it shows you've been listening and it suggests a common way of looking at things. Again, don't over do this. I remember, when I was little, one of the best ways to wind my brother up (any of them, I had 6 - and a sister) was to copy everything he said, even, " If you don't stop doing that, I'll hit you." The game usually stopped shortly after that, though.

With all of these points, I wouldn't try too hard. It can become artificial and manipulative. What you're aiming at is to put the person at ease, make them feel comfortable, and give you both the best chance to establish any rapport that's possible.